Funny Valentines Day Jokes 2019 is the best way to have fun with your loved ones on the Special Occasion Of Valentines Day 2019. Hope you’ll love our latest collection of Valentines Day Jokes.
Valentines Day Jokes
This Valentine’s Day I expect to be inundated.
Sorry… I meant in, undated.
I asked my friend if he’d bought his wife a gift for Valentine’s Day.
He’s a bit of a chauvinist pig so he surprised me when he replied, “Yeah, I’ve got her a belt and a bag.”
I said, “That’s very thoughtful of you. I hope she appreciates it.”
He said, “So do I. And hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work much better now.”
What is the difference between a calendar and you?
A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day.
Yesterday morning, my wife woke up with a start.
When I asked her what the matter was, she said, “I just had a dream you gave me a diamond ring and diamond earrings for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”
I winked and said, “You’ll know tonight.”
In the evening, I came home with a small package and gave it to my wife.
She was delighted and opened it excitedly.
In it was a book called “The meaning of dreams”.
My wife just sent me a text saying, “I’ve just got you the best Valentine’s Day present ever! xox”
I really hope she mispelt “Xbox”.
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Valentines Day Jokes 2019
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
Hogs and kisses.
My wife rang me at work on Valentine’s Day.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They’re absolutely gorgeous.”
I said, “That’s probably why they’ve been sent flowers then.”
What do single people call Valentine’s Day?
Happy Independence Day.
My girlfriend just texted me and thanked me for “the most memorable Valentine’s Day ever”.
I can’t help thinking she’s underestimating Al Capone’s effort.
My wife told me she doesn’t want much this Valentine’s Day.
She said, “Just some chocolates and a few little surprises will be fine.”
Kinder Eggs it is then.
Funny Valentines Day Jokes
What do you call a very small Valentine?
It’s always exciting to get a Valentine’s Day card pushed through your door, with no stamp on it – just your name on the envelope.
Except when you’re in prison…
Yet again, this Valentine’s Day I’ll be in my house all alone, watching a film on TV and eating a takeaway.
I really can’t see a downside.
Last Valentine’s Day, my fiancee of four years bought me a lottery ticket and I won $5 million.
I wonder what’s she doing nowadays?
My wife just called me lazy and said I’d better have something planned for Valentine’s Day.
I said, “Yes, I was thinking of taking the Christmas decorations down.”
Funny Valentines Day Jokes 2019
For the last twenty years, I’ve received a Valentine’s Day card from the same secret admirer.
So I was upset when I didn’t get one this year.
First my gran dies, now this?
I’ve just booked a table for me and my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.
I hope she knows how to play snooker.
y girlfriend told me she hoped I had something special planned for Valentine’s Day.
I said, “I’m working on it.” and she smiled.
Which was weird; I thought she’d be upset that I’m having to work on Valentine’s Day.
I gave blood today.
It may not be the best Valentine’s Day present but at least it came from the heart.
What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
Short Valentines Day Jokes
- Valentine’s Day is the day that the “V” and “D” come together.
- This year, I’ll be spending Valentine’s Day with my ex…… box 360.
- I can’t wait for Valentine’s Day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone and that special someone is me.
- Dear Alcohol … Will you be my Valentine?
- If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember … no-one loves you on any other day either.
- If there’s one thing I hate about Valentine’s Day … it’s my wife.
- Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year when you get anonymous mail from strangers basically saying they want to sleep with you, and you go, “Awww…”
- Valentine’s Day is a day when a lot of people are reminded just what a bad shot Cupid was.
- As a waiter, on Valentine’s Day, I would put a fake engagement ring into a lot of meals.
- If it’s not Valentine’s Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, “What did you do?”
- I think Cupid must need glasses – the last time I dated a girl, he missed my heart but hit my wallet.